Objets In The Rearview Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear.

Since I know all of you know how much I LOVE to put up pictures of inanimate objects, I just wanna post this simple question.

Do the people who design and manu- facture spray pumps not under- stand how they work? Almost every single specimen I have ever encountered was manufactured/assembled so that the feed pipe, which always has a subtle curve to it, is always aimed at the back of the bottle? This is a defect which I commonly reverse when possible.

Here's an example of one I have fixed. (Actually, all of these sprayers have had the defect fixed, but here you can actually see it.) The spray opperates on a vacuum principle. By pointing the straw to the back of the bottle, it has the effect of foiling the vacuum effect when you tilt the spray bottle forward. And, think about it: aren't most of the things you will spray below you? (Except windows.)

Which brings me to my coffee cup collection. This isn't the whole set, just most the deliberate ones. Back when I started drinking my coffee out of a French press, I found out the best way is to press it once and pour it out all at once. So I went to using an oversize cup. In this case, the Tigger mug, which is actually my wife's, a present from her mother if I remember.

Later I went to what I call the carafe-and-demitasse (is that how you spell that?) method, by which I pour the main portion into the large mug, and then the rest into the smaller one. (Which has a reproduction of Nighthawks at the Diner by Edward Hopper on it.) So basically, this is like starting with an espresso shot and then having a large cup of coffee.

But eventually, I decided I wanted an oversized cup of my very own, which I would use exculsively. I found this one at the Cost Plus World Market for five bucks. I have mixed feelings about the Wold Market. (Official motto: "One World. One Market." No, I am not kidding.) On the one hand, I love the stuff they have there. On the other hand, alot of is the kind of cheap touristy crap you would only really buy in order to show you'd been to some place in the world. And I know that the stuff I am buying there is most likely being produced in a factory somewhere for pennies a day by starving children. (This cup claims to hail from Oakland, California. So I have even more of a problem with that.) The text, in case you can't make it out, says GOOD MORNING. I would have preferred if it said COFFEE, but all the oversized mugs in that category said LATTE or CHAI or whatever. Nothing I would ever be drinking in the morning. The CSU Stanislaus mug next to it, a souveneir provided by my good pal Doc Nagel, is only in this photo to provide proportion. At this stage of the game, I am using any one of the three set ups, depending on how I am feeling in the morning.

My favorite coffee cup of all time belonged to one of my college professors, Dr. David Amante, specialist in contemporary poetry. It said "Trust Me, I'm A Doctor." A close second would be one that's almost perfect. It's for sale at The Onion's online shop. It read's "F*CK OFF." But that is followed by the subtext "I'm Reading The Onion." Which, for me, ruins it. Cause, frankly, alot of the time, that's how you feel in the morning. Even when you're not reading The Onion.

The previous post, for anyone who wondered what the hell was up with all the pictures of shoes, was illustrating the process of putting a brand new pair of running shoes "on ice," which is to say putting them away for later use. These are Adidas Samoas, and they are (I meant to illustrate) my second pair. Sure, they're just re-issues, but who knows when they might re-issue them again? This way, if they stop making decent running shoes again (which the entire industry did for about a dozen years), I have a good pair to pull out. Also, like, if I'm going out to dinner or something, I have a good pair of shoes to wear. (That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.)