More Road Rage

SO I'm driving down Toddville Road, which is a nice, winding, hilly little road not far from our house that used to wind through farmland from one small community to another (and now winds through five distinct kinds of subdivision), and I get stuck behind a Cadillac.

Now, Cadillac's have the reputation of being big, expensive, well-built machines that are largely bought by people who have absolutely zero interest in driving. So it was little suprise to me that the driver of said vehicle was going thirty miles an hour up the road.

So, ok. No problem. Sure, it was hot out, and sure, I was on my way to get lunch, conditions that normally would lend themselves to conjuring my own particular brand of road rage. But there was nothing for it. I was stuck behind the guy. Besides that, it's a residential area, so I really should behave myself. And the speed limit is thirty five, anyways.

So I'm driving. I'm crowding him a little, but just because the gearing in the Miata doesn't like this particular speed. The guy in the red Mitsubishi behind me is crowding me a bit, but that's ok. It isn't a long road, and it dead-t's into another. Whichever way this guy goes, I can go the other way. There are many ways to get where I'm going.

We come to a stretch of road where I normally gun through a curve, picking up a few extra MPH's before hitting a long, straight hill, which would then coast down, wasting not a drop of fuel, not an ounce of momentum.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I have to gear down and brake to keep from running up the @#$%er's ass.

Fine. I restrain the car, and we drift down to the bottom of the hill, and we start up the other side.

Suddenly, I hear a foreign noise. Instinctively, I check my mirrors. The damned Mitzi driver has decided to pass. Across a double yellow line. Now, I am sure if you asked the asshole, he'd tell you, straight faced, "Oh, I could see for a mile." Of course, the reason it's double yellowed is that there are driveway connections every twenty feet up and down the road. So this is not a nice thing to do. So I yelled at the bastard a bit, just for the sake of form.

As he passed me, I could hear his engine straining. He seemed to be making headway, but he was hardly accelerating. As he passes me, I realize the car he's driving is not just a Mitsubishi, but a Mitsubishi Gallant. A Gallant. Doesn't this idiot realize that he is barely even driving a car?!?

So it takes him the entire length of the hill to get even with the Caddy. As we approach the apogee of the hill, there it is: a car approaching in the opposite lane, directly facing the Mitzi.

I laid off the gass, giving myself plenty of room for escape. The Mitzi driver really lays on it now, I can hear the strain all the way from four car lengths back. (And of course the Caddy driver doesn't slow down.) He manages to finally pull ahead and get back into the proper lane with less than a car length of space left. Two seconds later, this would have been a head-on collision.

Dumbass! What a dumbass!!! We get to the light at the top of the hill. The Caddy goes left, the Mitzi goes right, towards my Chinese takeout joint. As it happens, he turns into the parking lot adjacent to the Chinese joint. I go in and order my food, and then walk around the corner to the grocery store to buy some beer, thinking about what I would tell this driver, were I to encounter him.

"Hey, Dumbass-- if that is your real name!

"Don't cross the double yellow. It's just rude, and it can be dangerous.

"Also, if you absolutely can't be convinced to obey the @#$%ing law, at LEAST have the decency to pass going DOWNHILL, where GRAVITY is with you, not UPHILL, where it's AGAINST you.

"Finally, if you're going to be an asshole, and your're determined to be rude, and you are positive that you want to break the @#$%ing law, at least have the decency to DRIVE AN ACTUAL AND REAL @#$%ING CAR THAT IS CAPABLE OF PASSING UPHILL FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!!

"Thanks for your attention. Have a nice day."

So as I walk to the grocery store I notice that there are four red sedans in the parking lot. (In case I hadn't mentioned, the asshole's car, it red. It also have Georgia plates.) Not that I was actually gonna say anything to the guy, just noticing out of curiosity. Nope, that's a Pontiac. That's a Chevy. This one's a Ford . . . That's a Toyota . . .

The guy wasn't in the parking lot. He didn't stop.

Goddamned tourist.