Things I'm Fine With
Tony Bourdain has taken to using Krispy Kreme Doughnuts as a symbol of Things That Are Corporate And Wrong.
And I'm fine with that.
I ought not to be. Perhaps. It is, after all, my home brand. And I have had the giddy experience of driving by the old original Charlotte store, long since defunct, story to follow, and seeing the Hot Now sign ablaze, going in and ordering the dozen glazed and a pint of milk, gorging until I was in physical pain, then scrapin' up enough change to bet a hot black coffee to help mitigate the situation. Delish. Loved it. This is a memory I cherish.
But they're everywhere now, and nowhere. The original store, as far as I am concerned anyways, was a run-down, dingy, grease-stained hurdy-gurdy over in an area of town that was busy going from tony to seedy, on Independence Boulevard, which was itself in those days a symbol of commercial excess, a place where everyone sold everything and most of what they sold was crap, and the traffic always sucked. The old ladies that worked there were happy enough, but you knew that was the best they could ever expect out of life, and they knew it, and they resented the young rich kids treading on their territory. (They liked me, I guess because they could sense I was not from a well-off family, not that we were poor by any stretch of the imagination. I could have found it endearing, but it kinda creeped me out.) Now they're all in strip malls. (The stores, not the old ladies. God knows where they went.) Not that there's anything really wrong with that. Just not the same.
For a while there was one near the contractor's desk at the Lowe's Home Impovement store in Huntersville. Genius, right? Contractors coming in the early morning for their supplies can surrender to the siren song of pastry and hot coffee, right? Lasted about a year. How you screw up that deal, I do not know. Makes me suspicious though.
And then there was the whole thing where they over-reported earnings to boost their stock price. Which is not an uncommon business practice really. Unethical as hell, but not uncommon. But the thing is, they screwed up and got caught. The fallout was remarkably light. I mean, after all, how much capital could have been caught up in the doughnut market? But still, lying liars couldn't even lie well enough not to get caught. Just disheartening.
I used to like the idea that I could now (then) get a Krispy Kreme in New York City, but, realistically, if in'm in Manhattan, I'm more likely having knish. Or a Yankee breakfast. Corned beef hash and eggs. Bagel with a schmear. Or if I want a doughnut, I can think of a half a dozen better places to get one. (And a couple of worse ones, come to think of it.)
Not too long ago, Dunkin' Doughnuts moved back in down here. We used to have them here, back in the day, I swear it. Or at least I remember it that way. Anyways, for a coupla years, not just here but plenty of places, the debate raged long and hard about which was better. The Dunkin Doughnut fans claimed that the Krispies weren't REAL doughnuts. Which, given that the history of the doughnut is deeply veiled in mythology, fuck you. But my argument, really, was this: You got doughnuts. What are you complaining about? Yeah, they're different things, but a. you can get cake doughnuts at the Krispy Kreme, and 2. they're all good.
And Dunkin is an evil empire too. I mean, look at their commercials. Thye are not simply implying that Dunkin' Doughnuts is bent on world domination, they out and out say it. And I am tempted to call this a fascist corporate culture, but, since many, maybe even most, of the ads suggest that Dunkin' Doughnuts will force all Americans, no matter how ill suited, back into an agrarian economy, I think it's really more Maoist.
Not that I am condemning the doughnut corporations, not that the sky is falling. Doughnut culture, no matter how pervasive it is, cannot provide, in my opinion, so high a position as is needed to wield power. And there is also probably no other industry where the grass-roots, mom-and-pop shops are actually, physically so pervasive as to be immune from corporate domination. I could be wrong about that, but it's the feeling that I get.
So what I am saying is basically this: I am not ready to boycott the doughnut kings. Not that I buy alot of doughnuts these days, but nor am I beyond the impulse. Oh look: doughnuts! Why not? I could use a snack. Cuppa Joe wouldn't be entirely remiss at the mo. Krispy? Cool! Dunkin? Awesome! I have no loyalties, fealties, nor vows to bond me. But too, if Tony and his ilk want to hold Krispy or Dunkin' up as examples of All That Is Corporate And Wrong, I guess I can kind of see it.
And that's fine with me.
And I'm fine with that.
I ought not to be. Perhaps. It is, after all, my home brand. And I have had the giddy experience of driving by the old original Charlotte store, long since defunct, story to follow, and seeing the Hot Now sign ablaze, going in and ordering the dozen glazed and a pint of milk, gorging until I was in physical pain, then scrapin' up enough change to bet a hot black coffee to help mitigate the situation. Delish. Loved it. This is a memory I cherish.
But they're everywhere now, and nowhere. The original store, as far as I am concerned anyways, was a run-down, dingy, grease-stained hurdy-gurdy over in an area of town that was busy going from tony to seedy, on Independence Boulevard, which was itself in those days a symbol of commercial excess, a place where everyone sold everything and most of what they sold was crap, and the traffic always sucked. The old ladies that worked there were happy enough, but you knew that was the best they could ever expect out of life, and they knew it, and they resented the young rich kids treading on their territory. (They liked me, I guess because they could sense I was not from a well-off family, not that we were poor by any stretch of the imagination. I could have found it endearing, but it kinda creeped me out.) Now they're all in strip malls. (The stores, not the old ladies. God knows where they went.) Not that there's anything really wrong with that. Just not the same.
For a while there was one near the contractor's desk at the Lowe's Home Impovement store in Huntersville. Genius, right? Contractors coming in the early morning for their supplies can surrender to the siren song of pastry and hot coffee, right? Lasted about a year. How you screw up that deal, I do not know. Makes me suspicious though.
And then there was the whole thing where they over-reported earnings to boost their stock price. Which is not an uncommon business practice really. Unethical as hell, but not uncommon. But the thing is, they screwed up and got caught. The fallout was remarkably light. I mean, after all, how much capital could have been caught up in the doughnut market? But still, lying liars couldn't even lie well enough not to get caught. Just disheartening.
I used to like the idea that I could now (then) get a Krispy Kreme in New York City, but, realistically, if in'm in Manhattan, I'm more likely having knish. Or a Yankee breakfast. Corned beef hash and eggs. Bagel with a schmear. Or if I want a doughnut, I can think of a half a dozen better places to get one. (And a couple of worse ones, come to think of it.)
Not too long ago, Dunkin' Doughnuts moved back in down here. We used to have them here, back in the day, I swear it. Or at least I remember it that way. Anyways, for a coupla years, not just here but plenty of places, the debate raged long and hard about which was better. The Dunkin Doughnut fans claimed that the Krispies weren't REAL doughnuts. Which, given that the history of the doughnut is deeply veiled in mythology, fuck you. But my argument, really, was this: You got doughnuts. What are you complaining about? Yeah, they're different things, but a. you can get cake doughnuts at the Krispy Kreme, and 2. they're all good.
And Dunkin is an evil empire too. I mean, look at their commercials. Thye are not simply implying that Dunkin' Doughnuts is bent on world domination, they out and out say it. And I am tempted to call this a fascist corporate culture, but, since many, maybe even most, of the ads suggest that Dunkin' Doughnuts will force all Americans, no matter how ill suited, back into an agrarian economy, I think it's really more Maoist.
Not that I am condemning the doughnut corporations, not that the sky is falling. Doughnut culture, no matter how pervasive it is, cannot provide, in my opinion, so high a position as is needed to wield power. And there is also probably no other industry where the grass-roots, mom-and-pop shops are actually, physically so pervasive as to be immune from corporate domination. I could be wrong about that, but it's the feeling that I get.
So what I am saying is basically this: I am not ready to boycott the doughnut kings. Not that I buy alot of doughnuts these days, but nor am I beyond the impulse. Oh look: doughnuts! Why not? I could use a snack. Cuppa Joe wouldn't be entirely remiss at the mo. Krispy? Cool! Dunkin? Awesome! I have no loyalties, fealties, nor vows to bond me. But too, if Tony and his ilk want to hold Krispy or Dunkin' up as examples of All That Is Corporate And Wrong, I guess I can kind of see it.
And that's fine with me.
Labels: Copulations, Corporate, Doughnuts
posted by Bobo the Wandering Pallbearer at 10:05 AM
5 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
My first reaction to this was that Tony Bourdain could easily serve as a symbol of Things That Are Corporate And Wrong.
But then the Krispie Kremes got to me, as they do. I don't object to Krispie Kreme Korporation (don't know much about it) so much as the donuts themselves, of which I never understood the appeal.
They opened a shop in Modesto, up in the northwest part of town, not far enough to reach mall-ville, but further down one of the main commercial drags, where old, barely-holding-on strip centers are located. The local classic rock station broadcast from their grand opening. They advertised hot donuts on the radio. For a few weeks, cars lined up at their drive-thru throughout the day.
Two months later, it was closed.
Dunkin' were the donuts of my youth, but I had them one last time back in Pittsburgh, and man, they sucked.
The best donuts I have had come from a shop called Best Donuts, in Harbor City. These are the donuts if my loveliest's youth.
Do people listen to Tony Bourdain? Really?
He of the stovepipe lungs and acrid disposition? Hrmph.
We don't "listen" to Tony Bourdain, but we find him amusing occasionally, especially when he's forced to admit that he's not as tough as he's pretending to be, which is often.
Our best doughnuts were from a shop around the block from the second apartment we lived in in Atlanta. The third or fourth time I brought doughnuts back for breakfast, the Wifey declared "These are dangerous."
Ha. Lying liars. All of them.
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