Tonight, The Role Of Yukio Mishima Will Be Played By Carl Perkins

SO THIS is what the Canadians apparently call "poutine and curd:" fries with cheese and gravy. The Wifey maintains that "curd" must mean something more specifically Canadian, some kind of raw milk cheese of some sort, but I have known enough Canadians to know they're just like Americans. They think that by calling it something different and cool sounding, it's not just gravy and cheese. Me, I'm a realist. Cheese? Yes, please. Gravy? Thank you! I plunked chicken nuggets on top to, because, well, why the hell not? And, since this bears a passing resemblance to the KFC abomination which Patton Oswalt dubbed "a failure pile in a sadness bowl" (before traipsing off to do the painful mass that is the movie Big Fan), I have decided to call this a Strategery Stockpile. I know: it's big and stoopid, and it cannot possibly be good for me, but I did it all entirely on purpose, and I put a good amount of thought into it, too.

As opposed to this, which was lunch last Wednesday. On the grounds of wanting something different, I went and bought the ingredients for a ploughman's lunch, which is midlands-British for "what's left in the cupboard." This started out as something my Dad and I would drag along for lunch on hiking trips, evolving into something more elaborate during my college years, and occasionally ramping into the kind of madness you see before you. Particularly: brie, olive-herb bread, pepperoni, mango, and calmatta olives. The beer, both last week and today, is New Belgium's "seasonal" brew Mighty Arrow Pale Ale. While in the past I had mocked New Belgium and their Fat Tire Ale, I have now concluded: New Belgium can do no wrong. Or at least they haven't yet, so far as I know.

The movie of the day is last Sunday's F1 racing from Bahrain, Dubai, Saudi Arabia, re-run today on the Speed Channel. Prepare yourself for alot of "Blah, blah, blah, Ginger!*"

I started watching this stuff last year, a few races into the season, and ended up catching up with the first few races of last year this year as they re-ran them on the Speed Channel. This is real racing. These are state-of-the-art cars piloted by extraordinarily talented drivers; the tracks are specifically designed to demand the absolute utmost performance from car and driver. This year the cars are all limited to a single fuel load, which is an extension of the F1 ethos: the goal is not just speed and agility, but also efficiency. I have found, so far, no reference, but based on what data I have seen, I am under the impression that these cars are operating in the neighborhood of fifty miles per gallon. (I so could be totally wrong about that.) It's also an enormous waste of time and energy and money, which is why it suprises me that more Americans don't watch it. I mean, NASCAR is a huge waste of time and money and resources, but the cars and the tracks are, by comparison, dead cheap.

Which just goes to show ya: Americans are dickheads. F1 isn't cheap or dirty or tacky enough for us. We'd rather watch crappy cars run around in circles while their drivers plot to make one another crash into the wall, and then have some bogus parlimentary body sanction them with toothless penalties afterwards.

It's the American way.

*The picture here is that of Spaniard Fernando Alonso in his winning Ferrari. Felipe Massa, also driving a Ferrari, came in second. This footnote was originally going to explain that "Blah Blah Blah Ginger" referred to an old Far Side cartoon, but I decided to fill it with something else you couldn't possibly care about.