Dear Gerry, Dear Ford

Gerald Ford has been hospitalized with pneumonia. Of course, he's 92, and the admission was mainly a precaution, so's the could observe his condition while they administer large doses of antibiotics intraveneously. But still. Makes me nervous.

Let me explain. I have a strange affinity for Ford. When he became our president, after the whole Watergate thing, I guess I had some expectations. Great expectations. I had just become politically aware, at the worst possible time, and some optimistic part of my budding soul wanted Ford to be The Antidote: the president who would redeem the Presidency, something I had always been told was a sterling thing to be heartily admired.

And, of course, I was disappointed. I mean, Ford was a boob. The klutz thing was kind of an issue, but not as much as the war issue, which he didn't seem to understand, or the shambles our foreign relations had been reduced to under the duel riegn of Kissenger and Nixon. But the kicker, the big one, was the inflation issue.

He ran a campaign: Whip Inflation Now.

Of course, the acronym was WIN. Who wouldn't vote for that!

Nevermind that we live in such a complex and multilayered economic atmoshphere that it was not possible for the consumer, unless by way of unanimous and dynamic insurrection, to whip inflation, except by acts of conspicuous consumption without conscience or thought of consequence. (Which is what eventually happened, which did, in fact, whip the inflationary dragon that was threatening to depress our economy. It's the economy, stupid!)

But really, it was the fact that he clearly had been "advised." The program was supposed to bolster consumer confidence and spur spending, thus whipping inflation, but Ford didn't ever seem to be able to articulate it. "Well, the consumer, the cictizen consumer, in excercising the right to weild purchase power, expands the . . . er . . . improves the cost-bene . . . um causes a dramatic curve in the . . . er . . . WHIP INFLATION NOW!" (Cheers!)

But, and here's the flip side, I think he really believed it. I can't explain why, but there was something in the man's countenance that made me think that, despite anything else, he really thought America was the best place on earth and wished only good things for it. I think he really did think that, if nothing else, America could Whip Inflation Now. In fact, one of my prized possessions is a tiny orange pin bearing the acronym WIN. I love it. I especially loved it then. They want us to Whip Inflation Now, and they try to encourage us with this cheapo little pin? Dumbasses.

So here are my best wished for our former President: Get well, friend. Long may you run. If I owe you nothing else, I owe you my first formulation of the weirdness that is America: we live in the Tinkerbell economy. It's magic. You just have to believe.